Irina and Aymard
by Ioana Moldovan
On a small Paris street in 2009, Irina saw Aymard for the first time. Super passionate about salsa, Irina was going to dance clubs in France at the time, because they were on a different level than the ones in Bucharest. With all kinds of salsa artists going there, one had the chance to dance with more advanced people and, thus, learn more. They met by chance, Aymard being in the company of a mutual friend.
I liked him at first sight.
Irina laughs now. At the time, Aymard was in a relationship, and Irina couldn’t conceive of taking a step under these circumstances. For four years they didn’t exchange a word. She still found out about him from Simon, their mutual friend in Paris, if he was okay, where he had been. During a heated debate, Simon even told her, “The way you are, you and Aymard would be a fit.” She took it as a joke and just moved on.
Four years later, in the summer of 2013, Irina decided to visit Brussels. She had a friend there and had never seen the city before. She also invited Simon. He replied that he couldn’t go, but that Aymard might want to come. Irina didn’t know what to think. “A few days later, I got a Facebook message, Aymard telling me: hi, I heard you’re going to Brussels, I’m coming too.” She replied that of course they can come, emphasising the plural. Before she left, she kept getting messages from him, texting her every evening. Not daring to ask him directly, she turned to Simon to find out if he was still in the relationship. Learning he wasn’t, she felt relieved.
They met on the platform of the Brussels train station one August day. Among the first things Irina noticed was that he had his suitcase unzipped on one side. She laughs now, remembering that she took this as carelessness on his part. At dinner, Aymard brought her a rose. “This rose was in the luggage,” he told her, “I thought it would take a while until I get to a flower shop in Brussels…”
The few days they spent together in the Belgian capital were followed by two years of long-distance relationship. Aymard in France, Irina in Romania. Aymard was born in Paris to Congolese parents who had fled their home country. They saw each other every two or three months, either he came or she went, or they met in other cities for a bit of diversity. Over time, “it had become very difficult,” Irina says, both feeling the need for a clear direction in their relationship. So she started looking for a job in France. She searched for six months, without any success. “But would it work the other way around?” was her next thought.
“That wasn’t an easy decision for him,” Irina says, “there was the fear that he didn’t know anything, literally. He came here, but what can you see? You don’t understand much, culturally speaking, unless you live in a place.”
Aymard thought about it, and after some time decided to apply for a job in Romania. He had offers within two weeks. Two offers. Irina saw this as a sign.
On June 6, 2015, Irina was waiting for him at the airport.
He came with two big suitcases, packed with all of his life.
“It’s not easy for him, in the sense that he underwent this constant cultural accommodation. It’s also hard because there is no presence on black people in Bucharest, they are few, there is no black community.” Aymard says his mother was afraid for him when she found out he was moving. She didn’t confess that to him before he left, she just told him to go. Only afterwards she shared her concerns. ”But after she came to Romania and liked it, she calmed down,” Aymard says.
They took this decision out of a desire to start a family.
“Family is our point of reference and our common denominator. For us, it is the source of inspiration in all our endeavours and projects,” says Irina.
Margot Maria came into their lives after a lot of hardship. They had to undergo fertilisation procedures, they failed in Romania, they tried abroad. “It took a lot out of us as a couple. But we always said that we are a team and that’s it, we play the hand we are dealt. But after some failures that were quite painful, we succeeded.”
Margot was born on December 29, 2019, prematurely. She spent two and a half months in the incubator. “Another challenge that strengthened us even more, because it was a hard time,” says Irina. Margot is now one year and ten months old, with big brown eyes and rich, curly black hair.
When I go out with her on the street alone, without Aymard, there are a lot of people who think she’s not even mine.
Irina says somewhat amused. “They can’t make any connection in their minds.” She tells me about something she didn’t realise until Aymard moved to Romania and they walked down the street together or shared the public transport.
“There’s a huge curiosity. They are not mischievous looks, but very curious looks. You notice them on the street, a lot. And some of them are really insistent.”
Sometimes, when she’s more tired or losing patience, she’d say: “just turn on the TV, watch Netflix, watch some movies.”
Aymard says he’s gotten used to living here. But coming from Clichy, a quiet, clean and well-organised town, Bucharest was a bit of a challenge. He doesn’t understand why some people don’t clean after their pet dogs on the street. He loved Brasov, Oradea, Sighisoara, but says it would be hard for them to move because of work. He now works for an American company with more than 500 employees.
As a couple they speak French. With Margot, in both languages. When they chose her name, they wanted a French name to go with Gabou – their surname – and a Romanian one. “Aymard came with a book of names from France,” Irina recalls with a laugh, “and we leafed through it…you have no idea how much, so much, very much. We each made a list of preferences, then we started negotiating.” Although Aymard is Catholic, they baptised the baby Orthodox. The wedding was Orthodox as well. “Because I wanted that very much, because I’m more religious than he is, he’s not very attracted to this side,” she says. Irina comes from a religious family, with grandparents in the countryside who kept the custom of going to church and grew up in an environment filled with these values. Therefore, they decided, because Aymard isn’t very religious, that she had more to offer on that front.
It was a compromise.
“Compromise is often looked at in a negative way,” Irina says. “In our couple, we also look at it positively. It has its good sides. You compromise with the idea that you still have to move forward in a discussion. Otherwise, if you get stuck, it leads to nothing.”
Irina says compromise is the second main factor in their relationship. The first is communication. “The key element that has helped us over the years to overcome difficult moments in our relationship is communication. Talking to each other and trying to understand each other’s position and point of view are essential to building something lasting and meaningful in a couple,” she says.
Communication has also helped us get to know and accept our cultural differences.
When it comes to cultural differences between the two, the first thing that comes to Aymard’s mind is how close Irina is to her mother. “She has to talk to her every day, a lot, hours a day,” Aymard says amused. In an attempt to get a better understanding, he’s also talked to other people. “That’s how it is with us, we have our mother-in-law close by. It’s normal here,” he was told. “We have in France as well… but here I discovered at a whole new leveeeeel…”, he laughs heartily. With the pandemic, Irina encouraged Aymard to follow her example and call his mother more often. His mother-in-law is also responsible for the family’s Romanian cooking. For the French dishes Aymard is in charge.
Aymard’s father was a judge in Congo, where he fought corruption. It was the reason his parents had to leave the country when Aymard was not yet born.
“That’s why honesty is a very important value for me,” Aymard says.
It’s something he found and appreciated in Irina, and a value they want to pass on to Margot. “And kindness,” adds Irina, who saw in Aymard’s extreme kindness something of her grandfather and the spirit in which she was raised.
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Ioana and Johnny
